I'm not sure what exactly spurred these feelings. My guess is that it is a combination of turning thirty in less than a month, Mo turning five and starting kindergarten this year, and, of course, the godforsaken election (now-presidency) from hell. I may not be sure of what planted the seed but it became far too obvious to not do something about it.
I want to focus on those two up there and date my husband. To cook without documenting it for people not sharing the meal with me. To play at the park and go on adventures with my babies and leave my fucking phone at home. To use my real camera because I maintain a deep love for photography versus likes. To write without sharing what has been published because writing has always been for me and will continue to always be for me. To savor this painfully short season of life before I watch Mo march onto a big yellow school bus every morning while being forced to trust other people to love and care for her the way I do. To suss out this life with the people I love without sharing it with strangers.
It's heavy shit and, for me, personally, I want to do the heavy lifting without broadcasting the weight of the load.
So, I am taking an indefinite social media hiatus. I'll likely continue to write here in this space because writing is something I find myself unable to NOT do. It's my free, take-no-shit therapist and I'm able to balance writing with the rest of life. But sharing all of life's moments in a tiny square on a social media app? My only goal in life is to not be an asshole and social media makes me feel like an asshole. I so easily become distracted and get sucked into the black hole of my explore page. I find myself wasting an embarrassing amount of time or, even worse, completely disengaged from my kids.
As I approach this new decade, a decade I've always looked so forward to entering, the only thing I want to do with this time is be as wholly good as I can be for the near and dear people I love. Eliminating the distractions-- the things and people which don't always bring out the best version of myself-- seems like the easiest place to start.
See ya' when I see ya', folks.
x C x